In My Veins
by sassywriterchick
Summary: It's her face that haunts him the most. She isn't screaming, her mouth is opened in a shocked gasp, her teeth shining like pearls from pink lips. Her cheeks are still like apples, red and beautiful. Her eyes, her eyes are filled with tears, a look of betrayal. Why didn't you save me? They seem to accuse. You let me down. (One Shot)


He'd only asked her to marry him a week ago. Only a week. He could still picture the color of her cheeks, like ripe apples. The curve of her smile, as pink as cotton candy. Could still feel her warm lips answering his question. Her laugh when he seemed greatly relieved.

_"Were you scared of me Chin Boy?" _ She'd asked with a cocky smile. He'd kept her quiet with another kiss.

_Nothing goes as planned._

He has promised her once, promised her that they could leave. That he would give up all the running, the nearly dying, _for her._ She was worth it after all, with her bright smile and bouncy curls. She was getting tired of the traveling, he could see it in her eyes. But he _couldn't_ lose her. So he'd nearly given up it all. For her. Why? Because she was his Clara Oswald.

_"I promise."_ He'd whispered into her ear, _"I promise never to let you go."_

_Everything will break_

It is after long contemplation that he tells her everything about himself, everything. Including his name. Somehow, from that day, the last happy day, well happy as it could be, all he can remember is his own words. His own facial expressions. She is washed out, a faded backdrop to himself. He's disgusted, he hates himself for it. She should always be the first in his thoughts.

Honestly, he should have been expecting the attack. No one could leave the Earth alone for more than a few brief moments could they? No, they couldn't, not once they'd seen what he'd seen. The bright pulsing lights, the humans with their bright smiles and painted faces.

He should've have seen it coming. He should have protected her.

_People say goodbye_

_In their own special way_

He loved her so much. He loved her to the bottom of his soul and back, loved the crinkle of her nose. Loved the shine of her hair. Hell, he even loved her stubborn attitude, her unwillingness to back down from a fight. He supposes that's where it all went wrong. When he tried to leave her behind, tried to get her to stay back.

He knew Clara Oswald. He knew her better than to stay back when he told her to, knew better than to think she'd listen. Even after he'd tied her up in a desperate attempt to keep her to stay put. Nope, that had only set off the flames.

He shoulders past a woman, a ginger woman with waves of fiery hair. He doesn't even register her calling after him, because he doesn't know her does he? He finds the spot he's looking for and simply stands, stands on the spot in the grass that's worn down by his feet.

_All that you rely on_

_And all that you can fake._

She'd left him in the early hours of the morning. He can still picture her last moments perfectly.

They had been in a clock tower, battling some odd alien who insided he was the true hero. Clara had fallen previous to that, but she was holding on to a rope he had gripped in his hand. She was suspended, over the concrete.

The screaming. The alien lord cowering over him, pressing his arm into the Doctor's throat. Clara had been holding on to a rope he had gripped in his hand, and when the monster pushed one final time, his fingers twitched and the rope fell free.

He'd visited the Maitlands, mostly to break the bad news later that day, tear tracks still on his face. He'd arrived to early however, months ago. Clara stepped out of the house with a laugh and a smile, and his heart shattered in his chest. This was the day she moved into the TARDIS, he realizes, as he sees a younger version of himself bounce out behind her. He quickly takes his leave.

_Will leave you in the morning_

_And find you in the day_

They had so many memories together. A thousand-life times worth. She was his heart, his soul; she was a part of the blood that flowed through his veins. Without her, it was like a huge bomb had exploded inside his chest, and when he looked down, he almost expected to see the ragged, Clara shaped hole, oozing tears.

It was funny, what things time forgot. It made him forget Amelia's accent, Rory's laugh, Rose's smile. But it seemed he was forgetting Clara faster than the others. The feeling of her lips against his, the time she ran away from him when they both shouted ugly words at each other.

All the times she saved her.

_Oh, you're in my veins_

_And I cannot get you out_

_Oh, you're all I taste_

_At night inside of my mouth_

_Oh, you run away_

_'cause I am not what you found_

_Oh, you're in my veins,_

_And I cannot get you out._

He span her around the TARDIS the day it happened. Her laughter bounced off the walls, her delighted squeal filling his ears in a sort of symphany, and he couldn't understand how one creature could cause him so much joy. When he'd set her down, she'd kissed him on the nose, standing on the tiptoes so she could reach.

"_You're so short, Closwald."_ He'd lightly teased.

_"You have a big chin." _ She'd cheekily responded.

_Everything will change_

_Nothing stays the same_

He blamed himself. She blamed him to. It was clear in her eyes as she fell. He had an app on his sonic screwdriver that allowed him to freeze time around him, only for a moment. He'd thrown the alien off him with a strength he didn't know he possessed. He'd then turned to try and catch her, but she was already to far down.

Brown curls floated around her face as time slowed. They looked like brown silk, the curls suspended in air. Her arms are spread out to either side like she's trying to fly.

It's her face that haunts him the most. She isn't screaming, her mouth is opened in a shocked gasp, her teeth shining like pearls from pink lips. Her cheeks are still like apples, red and beautiful. Her eyes, her eyes are filled with tears, a look of betrayal. _Why didn't you save me? _They seem to accuse. _You let me down._

He'd thrown his special rope, the one that wrapped around objects. It caught her, just before she hit the floor, but not before her head cracked against the cement.

_Crack._

_Nobody here's perfect_

_Oh, but everyone's to blame._

_Oh, all that you rely on_

_And all that you can save._

_Will leave in the morning_

_And find you in the day._

He'd rushed down to her immediately, thinking foolishly for a second that she was okay. Maybe a little tired, sore, but fine.

She's still laying in the rope, arms spread, and he runs over to her. "Clara?" he begs her, seeing her still form, her closed eyes. "Clara?" his voice breaks. "Clara, it's the Doctor." She doesn't respond, doesn't even twitch. "Clara please wake up. Please don't leave me." He's cradling her now, having released her from the rope. "Clara please wake up. You keep fighting. Don't leave me. Please, please don't leave me." He finds himself crying, and he buries his face into her neck, letting sobs ring through his body. "Please come back to me. _Please_ Clara."

_Everything is dark_

_It's more than you can take._

"Doctor?" it's a voice that breaks him from his memories. He turns slightly to the side.

"Who are you?" he bites out, not bothering to look at the woman who's interrupted him. She isn't important, whoever she is.

"Doctor, it's Amy." She says, and he looks over at her, surprise clouding his face.

_But you catch a glimpse of sunlight_

_Shining, shining down on your face_

_Your face_

_Oh your face_

"Amy?" his voice breaks.

"I'm so happy I found you!" she gushes, but only then does she seem to notice what he's been looking at. She crouches down, and reads the name. "Who was Clara Oswald?" she reads.

_"Rescue me Chin boy and show me the stars."_

_"Beautiful, fragile human skin." _

_ "You blushed."_

_ "You're the impossible girl."_

_ "This wasn't a test Clara."_

_ "Be a Doctor."_

_ "Will you marry me?"_

_ "Run you clever boy, and remember." _

"'She was," he struggles to find words. He doesn't know how Amy's here, and wonders for a moment if she's a figment of his imagination. Everyone can see her though. How can he hope to explain Clara's laugh, her stubbornness, her big brown eyes, the way she actually got him to sleep at night, her determination not to leave him behind, those to tight skirts. How could he hope to explain?

"Oh Raggedy Man." Amy whispers, and she brings him in for an Amy hug. He hasn't cried since Clara's death, and it's coming out of him in buckets now. Because she's gone. His impossible girl is gone, with only a patch of dirt left.

Amy fades away as well, only a whisper of a Scottish accent, and he's alone. He falls to the dirt beneath his feet and cries.

He's lost everything.

_Clara please wake up._

* * *

**_I did base this off a movie, but I won't say which one because... spoilers! _**

**_Okay, I hope you like it!_**


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